Social media or not

I co worker of mine recently got on a kick of realizing how “bad” social media is and how she’s deleted her apps and wants to live more “in the moment.” Spouting all the ways social media is ruining our lives, robbing our children of nostalgia etc. How when we go out we’re too concerned about how our food will look in a picture on Instagram or Facebook.

Maybe I truly just have beef with her, but I don’t agree with this 100%. Maybe I really am just annoyed by being grouped in with the “we.”

Firstly, yes there have been moments when I’ve been aware that I should be spending time with my kids. Or I’ve forced myself to put my phone down to spend time with them. Fair enough. But I don’t think it’s ruining my life. I understand that it’s everyone’s highlight reel and I try to treat it as such.

I’ve thought many times about deleting my Facebook account. But I have family on my Facebook page who I like to keep up with. I also have friends all over the country, friends who travel. I enjoy seeing what other people are up to. I have friends that I just don’t see who I can keep up with on social media. Sure it would be better so see them in person but we have different lives. I’m married with two kids and a full time job. One of my friends is a musician and writer. He keeps a very active Snapchat and Twitter which is a great way to keep tabs on him and what’s going on. Our schedules are complete opposites, I’ve run into him maybe once every three years and we live in the same city.

I certainly have not been one who takes a picture of every thing I eat or drink. I did specifically take photos in the past but it was for a review or blog post and that was years ago. Another time I’ll take a picture of my food is when I’m meal prepping to show my accountability group that I’m a part of. I don’t view that as a universal issue. Another thing, I couldn’t possibly care less about what people think of my social media accounts or how a picture looks. Especially if I’m out with my husband which so rarely happens, I put my phone down and only check to see if whomever is watching the kiddos has texted or called with questions or anything like that. Maybe I just haven’t let social media rule my life. Yes I do check it but I try to be specific, check on a friend or my group. I don’t feel the need to be on it all the time.

Another concern is our kids being to attached to their devices and not having nostalgia when they’re older. I don’t really think that’s something we can control. Sure I don’t want my kids glued to the TV. My oldest still plays outside and wants to ride his bike forever in the summer. He also likes to play with cars and tracks and marble runs. Does he have his own tablet? Yes. Sometimes it gives me the peace I need when I have to get something done. Or it keeps him at the table to eat his food.

I think what she’s referring to is what we as 90s kids experienced where we had the regular childhood of playing outside and with toys. Then in the beginning of adolescence we got our cell phones and by the time we we’re in college everyone had a smartphone. Our childhoods changed so quickly with technology and we wished we could go back to simpler times. Our kids aren’t going to have that. They just aren’t.

Our kids are an entirely different generation. No I don’t want them to constantly be on their phones. I want them to have social skills and friends. To have conversations and go do things with their friends. Go play disc golf or go to the movies But I also recognize that they’re going to be different. My husband had friends who he gamed with and some friends he went out and did fun things with. But that doesn’t mean he has no nostalgia for his childhood. He’s nostalgic about old games he played and fun things he did with his friends. Just because we have social media and more technology doesn’t mean our kids will have a less than childhood and never have nostalgia. Nostalgia is defined as a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past. I doubt that our children will be at a loss when it comes to nostalgia.


The anti-diet and other dissonances

I’ve been working on eating healthier meals and working out like so many other pp mom’s trying to get our bodies back how they were after having babies. 

I struggled with going too hard and ended up pulling a muscle in my back. I tried to just be more careful and continued to workout. One day as I was sitting at work I knew my back was in bad shape and I couldn’t continue in my current trajectory.  

I also had an appointment to get a mole removed my armpit which I was going to use as a break to heal my back. 

Doing my best to still eat nutritarian has become increasingly difficult. My 80/20 rule became more 60/40. Friends around me we’re counting points and calories. It’s taken every ounce of strength to not start tracking my food and cutting calories. I vowed to not do that again. 

This is when it gets hard: I’ve hit a plateau and haven’t lost any weight in 6 weeks. My eating has tanked since there are a plethora of sweets at work and home. I’ve gotten into beers to chill me out (holiday/work/money stress) which let’s me real are unnecessary calories.

I’m very torn among several things.






BODY POSITIVITY (fuck all the above)

I’m waiting to read Body Positive Power by Megan Jayne Crabbe. I follow her on Instagram and honestly she’s so inspirational. I can’t wait to learn more about what she’s about.

In the meantime, I’d just like to feel good, fit in my old clothes and not worry about what I eat. I like working out to be strong. 

Reinvention Postpartum

This is second time I’ve had a baby and its one of many times that I have felt like so desperately reinventing myself.  Generally this means getting another tattoo, this time I more so am considering getting my nose repierced. Luckily I’m not really into dying my hair funky colors anymore. I’ve also grown out of distress cutting my hair. I think I finally learned my lesson on that one. There’s just this flame that gets lit when I’m in this body I don’t recognize in the mirror itching to become cooler. I knew this would likely happen again been I was pregnant. I felt it earlier this time likely because I knew how my body would change and be different. To satiate some of this desire I bought some cool sunglasses. There are a few things that even if you gain weight you can still wear; sunglasses, shoes (sometimes) and makeup.

I am good about initially accepting my body and accepting that whatever size fits me for clothes. Mostly because I just want new clothes that fit me. But there’s something that gets triggered and I just want to reinvent myself, I want to be cool. Speaking of feeling cool this is the first time in probably a year-and-a-half that I really missed vaping. People are very divided on whether vaping is cool or makes you a douche or it’s just stupid in general. But I miss it. I felt cool AF vaping which I started after I had my first son. I quit when I got sick about 2 years later when I had a bad cough from a cold.

Where this really comes from is jealousy of an acquaintance who has had a baby usually within a few months of me and doesn’t have any weight to lose, seemingly, or 20lbs or less. The first time I roughly had about 30lbs to lose, this time it’s 50lbs. They’re usually very sweet acquaintances who would never be rude to me, judge me on my weight gain or flaunt their small weight loss in my face. But I hate them, though for a short period of time. I despise that they get to be right back in their clothes and I have like a year and half. I even despise my friend who recently quit nursing since her babe is now a year old. Who also got very skinny in 3 months time. Mostly because I want to drino coffee and drink and not smell like breast milk and sweat. But she likely hated me and my skinny body when she was pregnant and thereafter until she got her body back. Her I pass on. My acquaintance complaining about having 20 lbs to lose, her I hate. Though I laughed when I learned that she thought stretch marks “went away.” No sister, these are for life, they lighten and heal but do not go away. Those are the least of my concerns. Though I even had ones that bled, they’re still the least of my worries.

So since I’m aware that it’ll probably be a year or more until I can have my hot body back, then I at least just want to be cool looking until then. Whether that’s makeup, more tattoos (I already have 9), getting my nose repierced or simply accessorizing in a different way, that’s what I’ll do.

Self Acceptance and other postpartum things

I’m only 12 days postpartum. The crying started day 9. I really thought that whole week, I was doing great. This is going to be fine. Then I clogged the toilet. Not a just a plunge-it clog. A we-should-have-called-a-plumber clog. One that was so bad our neighbor was over helping my husband and they had to take up the toilet to get it out bad. That’s when the crying started. 

I was totally mortified. I really couldn’t do anything to help since my baby was attached to my boob. I did however get momentary reprieves with my son playing at the neighbors. Accepting my embarrassment I told my neighbor A about it since it was her husband helping mine. Being the God send that she is she told me her own poop stories and helped me laugh.

The crying didn’t stop there. It would hit me randomly about nothing. Then 4 days later it happened again, on the other toilet, on my husband’s birthday. He blamed the oatmeal filled lactation bites I’ve been eating. That broke me. I said, “If I can’t have those, I can’t breastfeed and I have to start buying formula.” I just started sobbing. 

I had already been trying to pump and only had 3 days where I pumped once. I had 5 ounces saved. Which anyone knows is not nearly enough. The idea of being able to drink coffee and eat spicy food was highly appealing. However it also made me feel like a failure. I thought, “maybe I’m just a quitter. I quit.” Sounds nice. But it isn’t the nursing I mind, it’s really just the stress of pumping. Especially since I was out during a 2 hour nap and missed a pumping opportunity. My son then proceeded to nurse for 2 hours straight solidifying how frustrating pumping is for me. Not even to mention that the last time I pumped I got one ounce when my one boob was hard and definitely had more milk than that.

To look at a win instead of stressing myself out, nursing is going great. My son is gaining like he should be, he’s sleeping great. Maybe I just need more time on the pumping front.

Since my body has inevitably changed having a baby I decided I was in need of some new leggings. I actually don’t have any pants that fit me. While I had previously committed to spending money on decent clothes and had sworn off buying clothes at Rue 21 I saw they were having a sale. They also have great size charts. I spent probably 3-4 days debating whether or not I was going to buy any clothes. But I figured since they were very inexpensive and I hoped that I would be losing weight soon it was ok. 

When my new leggings arrived in the mail I tried them on. The 2X size I bought were too big, I felt a little good about that. The 1X I bought fit great. I didn’t really care much about how I looked in the mirror, it’s split in half and weird anyway. Later I saw myself in a reflection on a glass door and thought, I look pretty good. Sure my belly is round and butt and hips are wider, but I look good. 

No one said momming was easy. I’m going to at least try to remember my wins and try to cut myself some slack.


I’m 5 days out with my beautiful bundle of joy sleeping soundly on my lap. Nursing has been going well and it seems that my milk came in rather quickly which I am very grateful for. 

I have a decision to make that I thought I’d already made. I weighed myself. At best I lost 13 lbs delivering my son. which is about 5 less lbs than with my first. I’m currently at the weight I was when I was admitted to the hospital to have my first. I’m glad to be under 200lbs. But it’s still a lot more than I wanted to weigh. 

My crossroads is a choice between being upset, trying to watch what I eat or eating when I’m hungry not worrying about it now and just ignoring it really. 

I want to ignore it. I want to say that I don’t care; part of me really doesn’t. But the other part of me is a little sad. It’s kind of hard for me to be this big. Mostly just because I have no idea what im going to even wear. I’m still in sweatpants, mostly out of necessity but what about when I have to go back to work?  I am only 5 days post-op. I know I ‘just’ had a baby. I know that I also could lose another 10 lbs by the time I go back to work.

I do truly have plenty of time to lose the weight and none of my actual friends will judge me for anything about it. I’m going to do my best to just focus on eating healthy meals, maintaining my milk supply and just ignoring the rest. 

I also need to just have my husband hide my scale. I have great tendencies to weigh myself all the time when I’m in a weight loss mode. Honestly I’d be a little more bummed about it but when I told my husband how I had only lost about 13 lbs he said, ” so you basically just lost how much he weighed (including all the extras he came with placenta, blood etc), that sucks.” That was all I needed and I felt so validated when he said that. That sucks. Well yes it does. But I’m not really in a position to do much about it and I certainly knew I couldn’t control it to start with. 

I’m going to focus on my current wins.

Win #1: I barely felt anything during my c-section which was a major improvement from my first where I could feel my bladder getting moved. The one inch difference between an epidural and spinal block made it a great experience. Huge win

Win #2: even though I’m in the nursing stage where my nips hurt, he’s nursing really well and even started gaining weight back. I was really concerned because with my first I had a really hard time and this is going much better.

Win #3: I’m having minimal bleeding and it’s been easier getting around this time.

Win #4: I didn’t get saggy stretched out belly skin. Yes I have 100 new stretch marks but it looks like the elasticity in my skin is still there and eventually will get back to what I’m used to.

Let’s also not forget the wonderful things about just not being pregnant anymore

  • No more heartburn
  • No more random gagging/nausea/ vomiting
  • My bones don’t feel like they’re going to split apart
  • My body is mine again
  • I have a wonderful sweet baby I can stare at all day

Motherhood and friends

One of the most difficult things I’ve found since becoming a mom is having/maintaining friendships. When I first became a mom the majority of my friends without kids drifted away. I got closer with one of my friends who already had kids and had a new appreciation for the veteran mom friends and relatives I had (mom, mother in law, moms of my friends and relatives etc; also my mom’s mom-friends).  For a good while I didn’t really miss my friends. I was finding my way in my new mom world and spend a lot of time with family. 

When my son was about a year and half I went full time at my job and put him in a home based daycare. I was very hesitant at making mom friends, I didn’t have a lot of close girl friends to start with and finding good friends is difficult enough especially when you’re forced into friends because your kids are friends. Luckily the moms of the friends my son made turned out to be some of the most entertaining and warm women I’ve met. 

In addition to this change, my department at work grew in the next year from 3 to 7. In this process I gained 3 more fellow mom friends. They have proved invaluable during this second pregnancy. I’ve noticed more so in this pregnancy that I’ve become very nostalgic for my youth. I’m not very old by any means but I miss the times when I was free to go and do as I please and my monthly bills only totaled $300. It wasn’t that I had more friends or even really got together with people more often, but I could. It was much easier to do anything. I find myself missing the people I’d hung out with during that time. 

This is exacerbated my watching one of my oldest friends go have adventures and travel narrating his life on Snapchat. Granted, I know that he would love to be married and have kids. So would my cousin. What these two have in common is the pursuit of their dreams/careers. I’m not really doing that, but I also didn’t clear vision for a career. I wanted to be a get married and have kids. Which is exactly what I’m doing. They always say the grass is always greener on the other side.

It isn’t that the grass is greener, it’s that is seems lonelier. I want to be in on the adventures, the trips to the juice bar, the concerts, I want to be VIP. We haven’t been friends for 15 years for people to not know I’m important. I want to be in, I want to still be considered cool even though I spend a large majority of my time wiping tiny butts, doing the dishes and looking in general like a slob.

There was a time I would plan for a week how I would get ready for an event which would end up be an all out 4 hour process. But damn if I didn’t look fierce as hell. Now I’m lucky if I get an uninterrupted shower to shave my legs or 30 minutes without my son trying to play with all my makeup. I traded my heels for flip flops or vans, I also traded having on point makeup for an extra 30-40 minutes of sleep. 

I realized tonight as I played ball with my son that I traded being cool and going out to spend time playing barefoot in the backyard. Instead of dancing at concerts or a club I dance to the Charmers song when my son watches his show. I know he’s never going to be this age again and one day he won’t talk to me as much as he does now. While I absolutely chose my dreams and get a little nostalgic for the lives my friends live and the things that never were, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Even if it means I really won’t be considered cool anymore.

Raising “The Founders” generation

All I knew for sure when I was younger was that I wanted to be a mom. I wanted to get married and have kids. By 24 I had done just that. Now that my son is a little older and I have another one on the way I’ve become more aware of the popular culture and environment surrounding raising kids these days.

My son isn’t quite school age yet which leaves me in the beautiful span of innocence and happiness. Unfortunately I know that school does loom ahead and will rapidly approach once I have two children in my care instead of just the one.

I often think about how I will react to things that my son will want to do or wear. The outdated example of a boy wanting to wear a dress or skirt or the color pink to school doesn’t warrant much thought given the absence of this trend. What I’ve stumbled upon recently is men and makeup or painting their nails.


A dear friend of mine wears makeup when he performs at concerts. He also has long hair and takes a gender fluid approach to his clothing at times. He has a very loyal following on social media and a wide fan base. He’s more of a local celebrity and someone I might consider underground still. However to me, he’s a healthy example of being who you are, no matter what that looks like. This is what I want for my boys.

My husband, I don’t think, personally has an issue with this. I think his issue stems from having family that falls into the “Good ‘Ol Boys” school of thought. However my husband and his brother didn’t necessarily follow traditional life paths being that they got into computers and video games heavily while they had very academic or sports driven cousins. They both do well for themselves in their respective fields. My husband has built 3 computers since we’ve been together and he’s helped me and several of my friends select new laptops. My brother in law works for a reputable financial firm in IT. Neither have a college degree.


With they way that people are making a living these days there’s nothing to say that my sons have to conform to traditional gendered interests. Just today I saw a video of a little boy who did his own makeup better than I can even do myself. My son has watched makeup tutorials with me and I later caught him putting flour on his face. I had to laugh and also take a video.

While women are fighting for equality I’m also seeing the other side of things where men are getting more into the things that women have traditionally done. Such as sewing clothing for themselves, getting into doing their makeup, wearing colors or articles of clothing marketed for women. I love seeing this. I don’t see why we can’t all be into these things. Men is makeup is well, very beautiful, gay or straight it doesn’t matter. I appreciate the gender fluidity that’s going around. Not everything needs to have a connotation attached to it. Just because a guy wears makeup doesn’t mean he’s gay, and even if he is, so what?

I don’t want my sons to feel emasculated for their interests. It’s my hope that whatever they take an interest in, they’ll feel supported no matter what. It may be a little soon to really be concerned with what their interests will be given that their ages are 3 and -3 months but I like to haveĀ  an open mind for later on.