Motherhood and friends

One of the most difficult things I’ve found since becoming a mom is having/maintaining friendships. When I first became a mom the majority of my friends without kids drifted away. I got closer with one of my friends who already had kids and had a new appreciation for the veteran mom friends and relatives I had (mom, mother in law, moms of my friends and relatives etc; also my mom’s mom-friends).  For a good while I didn’t really miss my friends. I was finding my way in my new mom world and spend a lot of time with family. 

When my son was about a year and half I went full time at my job and put him in a home based daycare. I was very hesitant at making mom friends, I didn’t have a lot of close girl friends to start with and finding good friends is difficult enough especially when you’re forced into friends because your kids are friends. Luckily the moms of the friends my son made turned out to be some of the most entertaining and warm women I’ve met. 

In addition to this change, my department at work grew in the next year from 3 to 7. In this process I gained 3 more fellow mom friends. They have proved invaluable during this second pregnancy. I’ve noticed more so in this pregnancy that I’ve become very nostalgic for my youth. I’m not very old by any means but I miss the times when I was free to go and do as I please and my monthly bills only totaled $300. It wasn’t that I had more friends or even really got together with people more often, but I could. It was much easier to do anything. I find myself missing the people I’d hung out with during that time. 

This is exacerbated my watching one of my oldest friends go have adventures and travel narrating his life on Snapchat. Granted, I know that he would love to be married and have kids. So would my cousin. What these two have in common is the pursuit of their dreams/careers. I’m not really doing that, but I also didn’t clear vision for a career. I wanted to be a get married and have kids. Which is exactly what I’m doing. They always say the grass is always greener on the other side.

It isn’t that the grass is greener, it’s that is seems lonelier. I want to be in on the adventures, the trips to the juice bar, the concerts, I want to be VIP. We haven’t been friends for 15 years for people to not know I’m important. I want to be in, I want to still be considered cool even though I spend a large majority of my time wiping tiny butts, doing the dishes and looking in general like a slob.

There was a time I would plan for a week how I would get ready for an event which would end up be an all out 4 hour process. But damn if I didn’t look fierce as hell. Now I’m lucky if I get an uninterrupted shower to shave my legs or 30 minutes without my son trying to play with all my makeup. I traded my heels for flip flops or vans, I also traded having on point makeup for an extra 30-40 minutes of sleep. 

I realized tonight as I played ball with my son that I traded being cool and going out to spend time playing barefoot in the backyard. Instead of dancing at concerts or a club I dance to the Charmers song when my son watches his show. I know he’s never going to be this age again and one day he won’t talk to me as much as he does now. While I absolutely chose my dreams and get a little nostalgic for the lives my friends live and the things that never were, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Even if it means I really won’t be considered cool anymore.


Raising “The Founders” generation

All I knew for sure when I was younger was that I wanted to be a mom. I wanted to get married and have kids. By 24 I had done just that. Now that my son is a little older and I have another one on the way I’ve become more aware of the popular culture and environment surrounding raising kids these days.

My son isn’t quite school age yet which leaves me in the beautiful span of innocence and happiness. Unfortunately I know that school does loom ahead and will rapidly approach once I have two children in my care instead of just the one.

I often think about how I will react to things that my son will want to do or wear. The outdated example of a boy wanting to wear a dress or skirt or the color pink to school doesn’t warrant much thought given the absence of this trend. What I’ve stumbled upon recently is men and makeup or painting their nails.


A dear friend of mine wears makeup when he performs at concerts. He also has long hair and takes a gender fluid approach to his clothing at times. He has a very loyal following on social media and a wide fan base. He’s more of a local celebrity and someone I might consider underground still. However to me, he’s a healthy example of being who you are, no matter what that looks like. This is what I want for my boys.

My husband, I don’t think, personally has an issue with this. I think his issue stems from having family that falls into the “Good ‘Ol Boys” school of thought. However my husband and his brother didn’t necessarily follow traditional life paths being that they got into computers and video games heavily while they had very academic or sports driven cousins. They both do well for themselves in their respective fields. My husband has built 3 computers since we’ve been together and he’s helped me and several of my friends select new laptops. My brother in law works for a reputable financial firm in IT. Neither have a college degree.


With they way that people are making a living these days there’s nothing to say that my sons have to conform to traditional gendered interests. Just today I saw a video of a little boy who did his own makeup better than I can even do myself. My son has watched makeup tutorials with me and I later caught him putting flour on his face. I had to laugh and also take a video.

While women are fighting for equality I’m also seeing the other side of things where men are getting more into the things that women have traditionally done. Such as sewing clothing for themselves, getting into doing their makeup, wearing colors or articles of clothing marketed for women. I love seeing this. I don’t see why we can’t all be into these things. Men is makeup is well, very beautiful, gay or straight it doesn’t matter. I appreciate the gender fluidity that’s going around. Not everything needs to have a connotation attached to it. Just because a guy wears makeup doesn’t mean he’s gay, and even if he is, so what?

I don’t want my sons to feel emasculated for their interests. It’s my hope that whatever they take an interest in, they’ll feel supported no matter what. It may be a little soon to really be concerned with what their interests will be given that their ages are 3 and -3 months but I like to haveĀ  an open mind for later on.